Adopting Ara: A Story of Unconditional Love

Hi Remi here!

I want to get real raw and honest with you in this post. You may know that back in February 2020, Nate and I rescued Ara, a beautiful white German Shepherd. Given her severe anxious, fearful, and aggressive behavior, we knew she didn't stand a chance at the high kill shelter. No one had shown interest in her for over a month, and she would soon be red-listed. 

You could tell that she had never really been around humans — at least, humans who treated her with love. She must have been neglected outside or possibly abused. She was avoidant of every dog and person at the shelter, and when I first met her, I immediately wanted to give her a home where she would be cherished and taken care of. 

In this post, I want to give you an honest, real account of her adoption story and the struggles we've faced along the way. You know that I'm not one to gloss over the hard things in life. Adopting Ara has been a joy, but at times, Nate and I have really struggled. While she bonded quickly with me, she was very aggressive towards Nate. At times, we were extremely frustrated, disheartened, and wondered if this adoption was the right decision.

Adopting a dog who has been neglected and abused is a beautiful thing, but it's not without its difficulties. In this post, I want to tell you the story of our journey with Ara — the highs, the lows, and everything in between.

Adopting a "Rescue-Only" Dog

[youtube=://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Td_X3BSkBbk&w=854&h=480]

I remember sitting with Ara at the kennel, with my back towards her, waiting for her to come to me. When she did come, I spoke gently with her, so that she could get to know my voice, my energy, and my smell. I fed her some chicken, and she LOVED it. 

When I eventually got up to leave, she started to climb up the wall of the kennel, trying to keep her eyes fixed on me. My heart melted. I came back and sat with her another 30 minutes, and we created that bond of safety and trust. I took some video, so be sure to check out the footage here!

Only a few days later, I called the shelter and learned that she had been listed as "rescue-only," meaning that she was not suitable for public adoption and would most likely be euthanized. I was heartbroken. I called the shelter in tears and tried to convince them to let me adopt her. 

I was put in touch with Tanaya, a volunteer at the shelter who said she would do everything in power to get Ara to me. I am just so thankful that there were people helping me and supporting me through this —because I was determined to do everything to save Ara. I was not going to give up on her.

Long story short, I got a rescue to adopt her for me, and she was going to be mine after they spayed her. I remember feeling this bubbling excitement in my chest, the same excitement I had when I picked up my house keys. Nate was working that day, so I picked her up by myself. I got everything prepared in the car, and everything ready at home so that her first day there would be as seamless and CALM as possible.  

She was really frightened getting into the car, but once she was in, there was an immediate shift of energy as if she knew she was going home. She crossed her paws, got a little more comfortable, and off we went. If there’s one thing I learned from this experience, it is to make sure to go on a walk and wait til they pee and poo before getting into the car. I made this mistake and paid for it because she ended up peeing and pooping a mile away from the shelter all over the back seat. We were off to a rocky start, but I remained as calm as possible and did not get angry or frustrated with her.

When we got home, I introduced her to her crate. She was scared — there were unfamiliar smells, new dogs (Simba and Juno), and a new environment. I let her smell me again, reminding her that I was the nice chicken lady, and I meant no harm. 

It was a peaceful ending to what had been a stressful day. I was hopeful that Ara would begin to feel comfortable in her new home. But we hadn't made it past the hard stuff yet. 

Ara HATES Nate, and I Have No Idea What to Do

[youtube=://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mi8Uv5YHBoY&w=854&h=480]

To put it bluntly, Ara HATED Nate. Whenever he'd enter the room, the hair on her back would rise, and she would bare her teeth. She did NOT feel comfortable being in the same room as him, and she didn't seem to understand that we were all ONE pack. We tried everything, and nothing was working. We reached out to Nate's friend, KD Matthews who is a dog trainer,  to get some professional help. 

We jumped on a Zoom call with him, and we talked about the importance of teaching Ara to make her own decisions and giving her consequences and rewards based on the decisions that she made. We also talked about how Nate and I need to become leader figures for Ara, not her peers. 

"The only way we're going to get this dog to start seeing you as a leader is for you to start becoming one or for you to start recognizing what leadership abilities you do possess. You just don't know they're there. So just like you got to build Ara's confidence, you've got to build yours, too." - KD Matthews  

We began working with Ara on little things, like crate and door manners. Instead of her walking out of the door first, we taught Ara to sit until we said the release word “okay” so that she saw us as the leaders, not the followers. We began to see results (at least with me handling her), and I remember feeling in SUCH a better headspace afterward. 

But still, after months of training, Ara STILL hated Nate. We could not have predicted that she would lunge, aggressively bark, bite, and growl at him constantly and it seemed to be getting worse and worse.

Making progress, but she’s still really scared of Nate.

I also wasn't prepared to be Ara's only handler and have to take on a difficult case all on my own. 

Those months were an emotional roller coaster. It seriously began to take a toll on our sanity and even our personal relationship. I kept thinking, "Would she be happier in a different home?" I was really torn  but I didn't want to give up on her either. 

We continued to seek help from trainers, talked to an animal psychic, tried CBD, EFT tapping, and other things, but it just kept getting worse. The talk of re-homing her kept coming up, and it broke my heart. We even tried medical intervention with Fluoxetine (Prozac), and while there were some positive changes, she still growled at Nate constantly. 

As a last resort, I decided to reach out to Cesar Millan — a renowned dog trainer who I've always admired. I DM'd him after a busy 2-day shoot, and Nate had just about had it with Ara on his own. I did it on a whim...a last resort, thinking I would never hear back...

CESAR MILLAN Works with ARA!!! 

[youtube=://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTkMT2I1Kl0&w=854&h=480]

You know the question you get in interviews? "If you could have lunch with anybody in this world who would it be?"

Well, my answer was always Cesar Millan.

When he responded, saying he would work with Ara, I was out of my mind excited. FINALLY — Nate and Ara would have the training they needed to become close!

I put together a vlog of our entire experience, so be sure to check that out after reading this post! I do want to mention this though: In this video, you are only seeing a tiny, tiny snippet of those six, long months with Ara. Nate and I were frustrated out of our minds. When I told Nate that Cesar invited us to the Dog Psychology Center, we hugged for a good five minutes and cried. 

If you follow us on IG, you know how goofy and loving Nate is towards Monkey (my bunny), Simba and Juno (our other dogs), and the chickens … but that's because they LOVE him back and have a great relationship. With Ara, it was very different from the start. We hoped that Ara would see how loving and playful he was to the other animals, but that was not the case. In the worst cases, Ara would be so frightened of Nate that she would release herself all over the place.

Cesar Millan was our last hope, and OH MY GOODNESS, did he pull through. He not only broke through with Ara in a matter of minutes but also brought us peace in knowing that anything is possible with the right energy and mindset! 

He started off the session by sitting with Ara calmly, attempting to bring her closer and closer to him. At first, she barked and showed her teeth. Cesar didn't react. He just kept on being calm: 

"She had to throw the punches. This is where she has to show, 'Okay, I'm going to do what I normally do. And most of the time, people move away, right? And that's all [she] knows. … You can't respond with a flight when she's trying to flight … [if you do that], [her] brain never moves forward. … She's associating men with zero trust." - Cesar Millan 

After keeping calm and working with her going in and out the crate, Ara began to bend her head, showing a sign of submission. When sitting with her, Cesar would gently pull her closer with the leash, and let Ara touch him first. Watching Cesar work with Ara was absolutely amazing. For the first time in months, I had seen a glimpse of hope.

After working with Ara on his own, Cesar invited Nate to try the same exercises and walked him through the process. They worked a lot on body language — after months and months of growling, biting, and snarling, of course Nate's instinct isn't to be soft — it's to be on guard. Caesar worked with Nate on releasing the negative energy of the past — all those bites, growls, and literal shit-shows — and welcoming a new beginning. 

Ara needed a leader who was both confident AND calm, and this is what Nate has been working on recently. I love how Cesar describes it as unconditional love:

"I want to help the dogs that people are going to put down … I want to help the dogs that nobody wants. … Those dogs deserve the right chance to have a human who knows how to be calm because when you're going to help somebody, you unconditionally enter into that relationship. That's the whole point of unconditional love, right?" - Cesar Millan 

This truly was the experience of a lifetime. 

"Sometimes You Don't Get the Dog You Want, But the Dog You Need." 

Cesar Millan said that ^, and that phrase has been repeating itself over and over in my head during this whole journey with Ara. There have been so many hard days, but she has taught us so much about what it means to love unconditionally and be patient.

Adopting a rescue animal, especially one that has been neglected and abused, is never easy. Like people, animals carry trauma and express this trauma in their relationships. Ara immediately connected with my calm, feminine energy, but Nate intimidated her. This wasn't because of anything Nate had done — it was just how Ara had been conditioned in the past.

Things have been looking up for Ara and Nate after meeting with Cesar. Nate has been working on closing the gap with her daily (while we watch TV and lay in bed), and she now lays there calmly with him. I share these moments on my IG stories, so make sure to follow me there @rrayyme to get an inside look! 

It's not perfect yet, and there's still a lot of growth to be done, but these tools we learned from Cesar have been game-changers.

I hope you enjoyed reading about Ara's story! I will always be completely honest with you, especially about the hard things, and my hope is that you can use the lessons in this story in your own life, whether you're working with a rescue dog or not!

As always, I love to hear from you all. Let me know how this story impacted you on Instagram and tag me @rrayyme!

LOVE YOU LOTS!

Me, Ara, Simba, and Juno!